Friday, October 18, 2002

if beauty is devastating then my world lies in ruins. because god answered all the prayers i never said. and i fall to my knees in awe. but i'll never admit its you. becaue you dont know your power -- and its so much better that way. naive. beautiful. it works. like christmas lights through fog in pitch black night. like untouched snow covering broken hearts and shallow graves. so we dont go there. maybe we never will. and its better that way. theres a million miles between here and nowhere. lets go. i've cancelled all my plans for the next 20 years. i'll stop thinking and let things fall where they may. cause fuck it. why not? i lost everything once and here i am. broken; never beat. you cant defeat me. i give up. i disappear. i turn my losses against you and take pride in everything i did wrong. at least i dont have to spend the rest of my life feeling sorry. tomorrow always comes. fate never knocks twice -- it never stops. and there she is radiating beams of sharp white light. glowing with the promise of 10,000 futures. beaming. and she could kill me with a touch, but doesnt even know it. so dont hand me cheap hotels. i want boardwalk and park place. i want the house on the hill. i want the garden with the naive devastator planting bulbs that blossom potential. and tomorrow always comes. so bring it. i'll meet dawn with a shotgun and a rose. cause who knows? right? thats what i thought. because i too know how to lay waste. because i too know i'm naive. maybe its time to burn buildings and bomb bridges.