Sunday, July 25, 2004

"We were just literally in the middle of a retard convention"
(If you're the sensitive "PC" type, I'd suggest you stop reading right now and click this link)

So today I went downtown to go buy some short sleeved shirts because it is hotter than a wizards dick these days (that's the opposite of "colder than a witches titty" for those of you keeping score).

I rode the bus. Riding the bus is noble. Or at least I'd like to think so. Because I don't have a car.

On the way home no less than 15 retards, maybe more, got on the bus after going to a Seattle Storm game. It was weird. The 16 bus from downtown to Northgate is always an adventure, but today it was special ... pun! All these retards got on the bus and had to stand up because the bus was super full. They were all falling all over eachother because, apparently, when you have downs syndrome, you have no equilibrium ... or the ability to wash B.O. off. Whatever.

These two guys that were sitting behind me (not all the tards had to stand) were discussing which one of them TRULY was the boyfriend of Sue Bird. "Did you know she can spread her wings and fly?" I found this hilarious. I wanted to turn to these two individuals of the lazy eyed persuasion and tell them the following: "Guys, I'm sure Sue Bird is out of your league. I mean, she probably wants to date a guy who doesn't wear a helmet. Or piss himself. Or maybe a guy who isn't forced to wear velcro shoes because laces befuddle him. Or a guy who, you know, ISN'T looking at two things at one time. Or perhaps a guy who doesn't slobber. Or maybe a guy who doesn't just start bleeding for no reason (one of the dudes just randomly got a water-from-a-faucet style nose bleed for no apparent reason). But, seriously, she probably just wants to date a guy who can wipe his own ass." I didn't actually say any of this to these blokes though. They might have been "specially abled," but they still outnumbered me and could probably have formed up like some type of retarded voltron to tear me apart.

If you are retarded, I apologise if this post has offended you. If you video tape yourself tying your own shoes, I'll take it all back.

but probably not.

(this is probably the most offensive thing I've ever posted in this blog ... But KC is responsible for the quote at the top. How insensitive!)