Monday, December 20, 2004

... and back to never updating
I am a guy. This fact has plenty of advantages and it's fair share of disadvantages. One advantage is that, during the holiday season, men need not fret for hours about what we are going to purchase for everyone we know. No, no, no. For a guy, one simple trip to the mall is sufficient for all shopping needs. Yesterday morning I had not started my Christmas shopping AT ALL. By yesterday evening, all my Christmas gifts were wrapped and in my hands, or ordered via the internet and shipped.

One day. Done.

It does not work this way for women. Not at all. For some reason women don't shop like guys. For a guy it's easy. You think of the people you need to get stuff for; you come up with some vague idea of what you want to get each of them; you cross reference to see what the most common type of gift is; once you realize that the bulk of your shopping will be done at Best Buy, you just browse through the store with a basket and throw anything in it that even remotely reminds you of a person on your list. Sure you have to think a little harder for people like your parents and stuff, but generally if you think your friends or siblings wont be pleased with a gift, just add more cheap crap. If you're giving them one dvd that you think they'll like, but it wont give them that "I JUST SHIT MY PANTS!" kind of feeling, just add weird stuff. Like a ceramic chicken. Or a queen-sized bed spread with an airbrushed picture of a white tiger on it. Funnyness is the most important aspect of any gift. Sure a beautiful tennis bracelet encrusted with your girlfriends birth stone will make her extremely happy and probably get you laid, but when you're shopping for your brother ... who really gives a damn? Christmas is just one more bullshit marketing holiday anyway, you might as well make it novel.

Maybe this would have been a good post to save until AFTER Christmas. Whatever. I bought KC a box full of vaccuum sealed meats. That's going to be funny when she opens it.

(Quinn, I'm not really shopping for you. We made a deal years ago that we wouldn't buy eachother Christmas presents, or birthday presents, or ... well ... anything, ever. I'm sticking to that plan. Buy yourself something nice, wrap it up, put my name in the "from" line on the tag and act surprised when you open it. Thanks for the new TV antenna.)

Incase you were wondering what to get me for Christmas: Here's my Amazon wish list. If you buy me that Akira Kurosawa box set I'll think you're the coolest mofo in the world. Or a set of knives. I also need a new stereo reciever pretty bad ... but those aren't cheap. Well, some are, but I wont allow that kind of cheap crap in my house.

ALKM's last show is going to be on Presidents Day. You better come. I'm moving away forever about a week later.