Tuesday, August 17, 2004

DanceSport!

I have realized my calling in life. To be an Olympic level ballroom dancer. That's right folks, ballroom dancing is an olympic sport. It's officially called DanceSport.

Because I'm almost 25 years old, I've come to realize that I have completely blown my opporutinity to go to the Olympics for swimming, or gymnasitcs, or ice skating, or soccer, or marathon running, or any of those super strenuous "You've got to train every day of your life from the day you learn to walk" sports. So I've decided to lower my expectations and start thinking about the lamer Olympic sports. Like shooting, or Curling, or Badminton. After at least 3 minutes of consideration, I've decided that ballroom Dancing seems like the best not-nearly-as-utterly-insane-as-mens-gymnastics-but-I-can-still-get-a-gold-medal-for-it sport.

Just think about it: I'd get to feel up a girl all the time and other chicks will go nuts when they find out I have been internationally recognized and rewarded for being really good at dancing. You know what girls think when they realize you got a gold medal for dancing? That's right, they think, "He might as well have just gotten a gold medal for screwing." Because screwing is all chicks think about when they watch dudes dance. It's the only logical explanation for why Kevin Bacon is famous. I mean seriously.