Thursday, December 02, 2004

I woke up sick, so I called in drunk
I really don't update enough anymore. I don't know what that's all about. Oh yeah, I hate the internet.

I'm technically on my lunch break right now. I had cream of broccoli soup, or some such concoction. It was actually pretty good considering it came from the Sicromoft cafeteria and the food from there always tastes like processed shit. Soup rules. Maybe I'll start eating soup every day instead of those gross sandwiches with the limp tomatoes, gross pickles, warm mayo, and 46 pounds of turkey.

(Isn't it rad how I disguise the identity of my employer?)

The mood in the office has been really weird lately. I'm not exactly sure how much I'm allowed to say about this, but there is a serious case of short-timers syndrome going around and everyone seems to have caught it. That's probably because there are maybe 4 of us, from this office, who are still going to be working for this magazine by March 2005. (Explanation: "You can keep your job if you're willing to relocate to the east coast" ... "No") People have stopped even coming to work. Everyone's like "I'm working from home today" ... which basically translates to, "I don't feel like showering and commuting to a job I've stopped caring about. I've got laundry to do." Fair enough.

A window office opened up across the hall from me yesterday (Women, Children and Product Managers first!), I'm thinking about quietly moving my monitors in there and working from my laptop for the next few weeks. Too bad that dudes chair is just as crappy as mine is. Damn.

I'm listening to that 90/95 mix I made a while back. I haven't listened to it in a while. I'm surprised that I'm still happy with it, that's usually not the case. I actually think it's pretty damn crucial. You can download it right here.

Every day I ride the bus and every day I stare at hot college girls. This morning a really cute redhead who looked sort of like Topanga from Boy Meets World got on the bus. I was like, "Daaaaaaaaamn that girl's fine" but I could tell just from watching her talk to some other girl that, not only was she a bitch, but that she was as dumb as a bucket of hair. This just further proves my theory that girls are fun to look at, but talking to them can be disastrous. I recommend not talking to random people you meet on the street. They never add value to your existence. Unless they're those two drunk guys I met at the bus stop in front of QFC. "Fuck you JEW!" "Eat shit MICK!" Hilarious.

Yesterday I had a salad at the Nordstrom cafe. They have really good salads there. Our waiter was terrible, so I smeared butter on the table, didn't acknowledge his existence every time he came to the table and didn't leave a tip. I can be a real dick when I want to.

Oh yeah. On the way home from this Nordy excursion some stupid hooker in a white Subaru Outback cut Kc off super bad. I got Kc to pull up along side her, I rolled down my window and stuck my whole arm out so my hand was about a foot away from this woman's window. Then I flipped her the bird. It was awesome. The lady then got behind us and Kc goes, "Oh man. She's totally picking her nose now .... Wow. I'm not even kidding." I turned around in my seat so me and this woman made eye contact and shoved my finger into my nose. Needless to say, she ceased her gold mining mission. This concludes my account of one of the most fun cut-off-retaliations I've ever participated in.

"7 times out of 10 we listen to our music at night. Thus spawned the title of this program. The word Maraud means to loot. In this case, we maraud for ears."

... man, Topanga is hot ... except she's got this very "average chick" sort of quality to her that annoys the hell out of me. Like she just cant wait to be middle aged, with 2.5 kids, a dog, and an SUV. I can't wait to move to Amsterdam so I can become a weed and magic mushroom farmer. Seriously, how much easier of an occupation could there possibly be than purposely growing weeds and fungus? Ok, blowjob contest judge, but that's hard work to get.

Mr. Show, season 4 is hilarious. WICKED SEPTOR!!!!

Peace and Humptyness Forever.

EDIT: It should probably be pointed out that the chick who played Topanga is probably a huge heffer by now and is therefore, most likely, NOT hot. If your name is Danielle Fishel and you are bummed that I'm speculating about your fatness, please come to my house and prove me wrong.