Monday, March 21, 2005

I have become an uninteresting dude
I don't post as often as I once did anymore because I have recently been struck with a serious case of boringness ... And also Blogger takes like 15 hours to kick in when I log into it now ... And then it likes to lose everything I wrote shortly thereafter. It's free though, which seems like a great excuse, except it isn't an excuse for sucking at all.

There's a Brooklyn Industries store right on the corner of my block. Awesome. I live in a neighborhood called Park Slope. It's sort of upscale, but not really. There's lots of moms with strollers and kids and dogs running around. The Seattle equivalent would probably be Wallingford ... The neighborhood I just moved out of. How weird, no? Anyway, the point of my mentioning Brooklyn industries is that while I was in there yesterday Kc and I found a light yellow sweatshirt that simply said "Park Slope" on it. And the 'A' was a pine tree. It's basically like if some hipster store was selling sweatshirts that said "Wallingford" on them with a pine tree for the 'A' ... Except there are actually pine trees in wallingford ... Park Slope? Not so much.

See why I don't blog anymore? This is the most interesting thing that happened to me yesterday. Other than that I put up shelves and got lost.

On Friday, while I was riding the train home from work, these guys busted out a stereo and were like, "SHOWTIME FOLKS!" This kind of crap happens on the subway all the time. These 4 dudes started doing all these wack break dancing moves in the middle of the train while bumping the only music they seem to sell in NY: 50 Cent. I was thoroughly unimpressed until I realized these guys had a 9 or 10 year old kid with them ... Then this kid started flying all over the subway car. The older guys were throwing him up in the air and he was doing all kinds of flips and spins and kicks ... It was crazy. He even kicked the ceiling with both feet at once at one point. Lots of people dished out tons of cash to these guys ... I just sat there and pretended I didn't notice they were there. That's a pretty good way of running your whole life in this city. "Oh, were you threatening ME? ... I didn't even notice."

I have taken to washing my hands no less than 600 times in a day. My theory is that as soon as you walk down the stairs into a subway terminal, your hands are already so dirty that you shouldn't even breathe with them near your face. I'm only typing this because I washed my hands like 2 hours ago and I feel like I need to go do so again. I haven't left this chair. Maybe this is the first sign of the onset of Obsessive Compulsive disorder. Or maybe I just really appreciate clean hands. Who cares, it's not like I can go to the doctor anyway. Bastards.

The Hot Snakes are still the best band on the planet.

If you go to Taco Bell, you should purchase a Mexi-Melt. It'll cause you all varieties of intestinal discomfort, but it will also be delicious. Just wash it down with a 7 layer burrito and a Pepsi and you'll crap it all out in 15 minutes anyway. Then you can start over. I wish Taco Bell still had mexi-nuggets, those were awesome. I also wish the only Taco Bell I know of in New York didn't have some girl with sores all over her face working the register ... I mean, if she's in front, who the hell are they hiding in back? Yeah, frightening.

Have you been watching the news? Am I the only person who thinks this Terri "The Vegetable" Schiavo thing is ridiculous? Congress invited her to come testify last week in an attempt to keep her on life support ... THE WOMAN IS FREAKING BRAIN DEAD!!! I totally want to see that hearing: "Ms. Schiavo, do you want to have your feeding tube removed?" "Glahhhglalbbllbelahhlglah ....." "Let the record show that Miss Schiavo gargled, drooled and shit herself ... We think that means no."

The best part though is that George Bush came out and said, "... In extraordinary circumstances like this, it is wise to always err on the side of life." -- Yeah ... How many executions took place in Texas while you were governor? Oh, more executions than occurred in all the other 49 states COMBINED ... Err on the side of life huh?

And how much does it cost to keep this bed shitting zombie alive each year? 80 grand. Who's paying for it? Medicaid. So George Bush, the man who wants to cut every social program in the world, and to "privatize social security" is actively encouraging the use of heaps of public money to keep a human potato alive. What a smart guy.

At least Dick Cheney can probably spell Potato.

Guess how much gas is going to cost this summer.

Answer: a lot.

http://www.salon.com/news/feature/2005/03/15/herold/

You might want to think about buying that car that runs on fairy dust and rocks now ... or move out of the suburbs. I'm going to start a betting pool on who can guess the closest date to the day that every Wal-Mart in America turns into it's very own little barter town. "BREAK A DEAL, FACE THE WHEEL!" "TWO MEN ENTER, ONE MAN LEAVES!"