Monday, January 02, 2006

Welcome to 2006.

I never post anymore. I don't even know why I have a blog anymore. Incase you haven't noticed, I stopped giving a shit a long time ago. I think it was somewhere between move number 7 and move number 13.

Here's an update:

Christmas: I got 1 present. I barely even noticed the holiday happened. I bought presents for no one due to the crippled status of my finances since I decided to move across the country twice in one year.

New Years: Went to 2 parties. The first one was all chilled out and sophisticated. I don't even know how many people vomited at the second one. There was literally a point during the night when someone puked on the couch, then everyone freaked out because, "OMG SHE'S UNDERAGE!" Then she disappeared. Then one girl said, "I told her to go puke in the ocean!" I found this simultaneously hilarious and tragic.

"Hey, I'm massively puking drunk, I can barely stand and I'm seriously on the verge of passing out"

"Pshh. Go swim it off."

I also watched my girlfriend get hit on right in front of me by like 15 people. Oh well. They still went home and pulled it while I went home and ... oh yeah, I just went home and went to sleep.

I guess my hamburger ban has been lifted. Jack in the Box is like 5 blocks from my house and ultimate cheeseburgers are delicious. I realize the comedy and irony of this because the two things that signify "Fat Stupid American" to me most are cheese burgers and SUVs. I'll still never drive and SUV. I barely drive a car.

I have about 200 pounds of cardboard sitting in the little garden in front of my apartment. That is not an exaggeration. It's been raining a lot recently so now I have 300 pounds of WET cardboard sitting in front of my apartment.

No, I have no idea how I'm going to get rid of it all. I have a car. I don't know where the dump/recycling center is. I don't know anyone with a truck. I'm considering just taking all the cardboard down to the beach, building a giant bum mansion and then just leaving it there. Hey, why not?

There is a serious, SERIOUS lack of diversity in LA ... I guess I should just say on the west coast in general. This never really donned on me before, but now it's amazingly apparent. I'm pretty sure this is why I feel like LA is really bland. It's not that there's nothing to do because there' EVERYTHING to do, it's just that you only do it with middle class white people.

The best thing about LA: Jack Nicholson. He's kind of everywhere and for some reason he doesn't really come off like a holier-than-thou celebrity. Maybe I'm totally wrong in this assessment, but whatever. I love that guy. New York has Rudy Giuliani, LA has Jack Nicholson. There you go.

I keep ending up in political conversations about the 2008 presidential election. I don't care who runs, I don't know who's going to run, I'm not a big fan of Hillary Clinton. I just don't like her. I'm pushing for the Oprah Winfrey/Tom Brokaw ticket. They'd win in a landslide. A black woman who "understands" everyone as president and the guy who's told everyone in America what's going on in the world for the last 20 years. It's perfect.

I recently realized that I hate Dave Letterman. It's always just sort of been common knowledge that he's a cocksucker in real life, but I never really cared. Now I just kind of look at him as a cocksucker.

Jay Leno is a different kind of cocksucker. The kind you can actively ignore without hating.

I hate that stupid wave Stuttering John does at the beginning of the Tonight Show. Someone tell him to quit that shit. It's so dumb looking.

Give Conan the Tonight Show right now. Seriously.

I spent like 4 hours watching Mythbusters yesterday. Cable is addictive. I have Comedy Central now though. Lisa Lampanelli is my new hero.

This has been miandering and random.

I'm planning to update this site at some point. I've got some idea of what I want to do. It'll basically be some scaling back action with some expanding action. You'll see. Part of the plan includes greatly expanding the Dear Burt Reynolds column. That seems to be the only thing anyone comes here to read anyway and he never updates. Ever.

Oh yeah, I've got a band--the plans for one at least--In the works. It will probably bear the already infamous name Jimmy Carter Party Starter, but I forgot to suggest some other ones when the name suggesting started.

Listen to the Redneck Manifesto.

See you in February.