Saturday, January 24, 2004

I'm down with the sickness
i got a cold. its sucks balls. if this turns into the flu i'm going to be pissed. whoever gave this to me can go get ass raped by a hundred elephants.

speaking of elephants, i once saw a video of elepants having sex. the man elephant pulled out and his elepenis hit the ground and like 10 gallons of elecum came spewing out of the girl elephants woman hole. it was amazing.

i just looked for the video, on the internet, that i saw on television a long time ago, but i only found beastiality websites. gross.

last night i saw a show on television about cambodian sex slaves. so heres what i learned: from now on when speaking about intercourse, you must say "boom boom" and when speaking about fellatio you must say, "yum yum." the english language is a constantly changing wonderland of words and phrases. an intricate tapestry if you will.

since my last link to crazy shit went over so well, heres another one: nasa accidentally nuked jupiter. how funny would it have been if nasa had to get on telelvision and be like, "hello, we've got some good news and some bad news. The bad news is, we've lost contact with the spirit rover. the good news is, thats pretty insignificant in comparison to this next thing. we accidentally nuked jupiter and ignited a second sun." yeah, that would suck a whole bunch.fortunately for us, this possible nuclear explosion just produced a big black splotch on the surface of the "planet" ... its not really a planet, it's an unexploded star. looks like we all should have hopped on board the space ship behind that hale bop comet with those heavens gate fruits. earth is fucked.

what are you supposed to do when the insides of your ears itch? i guess thats what they made shrimp forks for. ah well ... off to eat lots of medicine and drink whiskey. frontier medicine is the only medicine for me.

please send me money. thank you.