Monday, July 18, 2005

Treading water in a wool suit
It was so humid today that when I was walking home at 11pm you could literally see the humidity in the street lights. That is so weird. I do not understand the weather here.

I went to Coney Island on Saturday to go to the Siren Music Festival. Spoon was playing and I've never seen them so I figured this would be a decent opportunity ... um ... no. Of course festivals, and most outdoor shows in general, sound like crap and suck for a thousand reasons. This one was worse than that. When Spoon finally played we were so far back that we could hardly see and the music was just barely audible over the hum of generators and the "world famous Cyclone roller coaster." Oh well.

Lots of people tend to be of the opinion that Coney Island sucks. I don't agree with these people. Coney Island is amazing. It's totally old and semi-broken down and still has that really somehow sketchy carnie feel to it. It's got a million of those shitty carnival rides that show up in your random backwater town on the backs of semi-trucks once every 5 years. That's awesome. Then there's the beach. I had never been to the Atlantic Ocean before Saturday. The beach at Coney Island is crazy. There's garbage and crap all over it ... and those are just the people! HA! ba dum bum. There was a really tan and semi-fat guy in a string speedo running down the beach. I took a picture of him. I'll post it eventually.

After drinking all day at Coney Island I went to a party on the roof of the apartment where this guy I work with lives and proceeded to get blind-drunk. I don't really know how it happened. I do distinctly remember defending myself from an insult with, "Double fisting. It happens." Maybe that's the reason right there. Anyway, I don't really remember, but anytime I drink that much I usually manage to offend every person with ears. I think the dumbest thing I said had something to do with why terrorists are stupid because they have no workable strategy and killing lots of people never really accomplishes anything. I guess that's not THAT offensive. Who knows. I woke up at 2pm today. Dave Attell calls that time traveling. "You're in a bar. you pass out. you wake up. you're in another bar. you pass out. you wake up. you're in mcdonalds .... working there about 3 years. You wanna quit but you can't 'cause you're banging the chick who works on the fryalator. They say she's retarded, but those titties aint retarded!" Yeah. something like that. From now on i drink milk at parties.

Today I went and saw Charlie and the Chocolate factory. That movie is amazingly good. Everyone in the world should go see it. The video game kid looks exactly like Bill S. Preston Esq. I swear.

See:

I think he looks way more like him in my head than in real life. Eh.

It kind of makes sense if you think about it though. Bill and Ted traveled around in a flying telephone booth. Willy Wonka travels around in a weird flying glass elevator. Same thing, really.

... and now I have to go move my car around the block.

I'm a hippopotomus and I've got noodles on my back.