Wednesday, September 21, 2005

here's a little math problem. 50 dorks in a computer science class plus only one girl, equals what? if you said a 98% chance of bad hygiene, you were 2% off from being correct. i smoke a cigarette before class now just to deaden my olfactory senses. if i had been sleeping more, i'd probably feel like i was going crazy.

i swear kids pipe up trying to correct the teacher or "add things" on to what he's saying more often than unemployed single-mothers of four apply for food stamps. our teacher wore the same button up collared shirt and slacks combination yesterday. i can tell because the collar buttons on his shirt were just as incredibly stretched to their limit, holding his chest in, as they were yesterday. the only difference you ask? well, he tried to hide his slovenly appearance and lack of hygiene by switching up "awful" ties today. i can only guess that this works because of how terrible they are. it likely operates on the principle of car wrecks... they're just so terrible, you can't help but look. these ties are so bad they probably distract the viewer from the fact that the background (i.e.- his clothes) haven't changed. yesterday... well, it was too awful, my mind has already blocked it from memory... however, today's tie featured a warner brothers cartoon character theme. outstanding. shoot for the stars, little skipper.

notice, i didn't even touch the fact that his shirt pocket was in use for storing pens... in some sort of "pen corral," i mean, pocket protector just does not convey the correct image to readers. it was bigger than my fist. it was like a pocket fortress or pocket military base.

so, this teacher seems really nice and he knows what he's doing, but it's almost frightening, in a "scared straight" or after school "latch key kid" special kind of way. i mean, the guy took egyptian for his foreign language in college and made such jokes as "bcc, you know, bill's cute college" and "macrohard." he actually had to ask people for a courteousy chuckle after one of his failed attempts at humor today. i didn't give him one. i believe the only reason that anyone else made a sound was that it became obvious he wasn't going to start teaching again until somebody did... he asked three times for a "courteousy chuckle" (his words).

additionally, our teacher likes to give us logic problems at the beginning of class (he also likes to quote bad 70's movies... but, i won't go there). today's logic problems dealt with knights, squiers, dragons, and pitchers of water.

i can look forward to gradually blocking out the rest of my sense of smell due to a psycho-semantic response to my chosen major and dungeons & terrible humor for the next three years of my life.

second year of college, here i come.