Friday, January 30, 2004

big ups to the netherlands
so i've been perousing my site stats and it has come to my attention that, after the united states and canada, the netherlands is the country that gives my site the most hits. 441 of them to be precise. so, since i would like to eventually MOVE to the netherlands, i emplore you, mysterious dutch user and/or users, tell me how it is there. does it suck righteously or is it pretty kick ass? i would assume its not full of fat ignorant complacent SUV driving retards like america is. you see, its my firm belief, holland, that america sucks. no, really, it does. its run by a special ed student from texas and people seem to be completely fine with that. what's worse, it now seems that it is americas intention to go ahead and overthrow governments in countries we dont like and then install new governments that will sell us oil for real cheap. its pretty crappy ... especially since i hate driving. plus weed and hookers are legal in amsterdam.

here's a link to some interesting stuff about hydrogen. i stole this link from jamund, but that's ok. learning new stuff is good.

i should have gone to real college and become a businessman or something. i never even took the SAT though, so i guess that's out of the question now. oh well. i'll just make my fortune in shady real estate deals, drug running and pornography.

i've decided that by the end of this year i'm going to quit my job and tour with omerta full time. yeah ... thats a good plan seeing as how we've played so many local shows already. :P

emoticons are queer.

queer is a fun word. i dont care if dudes like sticking it to dudes or if girls like kissing girls. it doesnt matter to me. you see, i think racism, homophobia, agism, et cetera, et cetera are funny. basically i love the hilarity of ignorance. if you're a gay person and you think me saying "emoticons are queer" is offensive i have a suggestion for you. instead of getting all huffy and mad, try coming up with your own derogitory terms for straight people. i think it's about time minority groups start making up derogitory terms for majority groups. and seeing as how i'm a white male between the ages of 18 and 35, i think i pretty much speak for the biggest majority group out there. i dont have any suggestions right off the top of my head, so you'll have to use your own creativity. good luck with that. in time i think we can all reach a sort of weird harmonic balance once all the hateful terms used to pigeon hole certain groups have been over used to the point that they are no longer meaningful.

this is really horrible, but in thinking about stereotypes just now, i was reminded of a commercial i saw last night. so just ignore the obvious links between that last paragraph and this next one.

kentucky fried chicken is amazing. not because they serve good chicken or something, but because they are brilliantly rebranding themselves. a few years ago a stigma was attached to fried food. ie: it will kill you. so, obviously, kentucky fried chicken started to see their market share decline. somehow i guess they figured out that having the word FRIED right in their name wasnt the best way to sell food to armchair health nuts ... seriously america, you dont see the ridiculousness of putting ranch dressing on FUCKING EVERYTHING and then turning a health concious nose up to fried chicken? come on ... anyway, kentucky fried chicken then promptly re-branded themselves as the much more ambiguous KFC. as if no one was going to remember that KFC stood for KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN. well, it seems the re-branding is still happening, as KFC is trying to convince people that those 3 letters now stand for Kitchen Fresh Chicken. Nicely played KFC, nicely played. however, you're still selling fried, greasy chicken parts to fat people. and i'm going to call you kentucky fried chicken for the rest of my life, even if you try to convince people later that KFC stands for Karl Franks Chutney or something like that. even still though, nicely played. there are obviously way smarter PR people at KFC then there were at Boston Market. hahahaha. Boston Market. what were THEY thinking? dummies.

this is a really long blog. i commend you for reading this far.

spoon has a new record coming out soon. i'm pretty stoked about that.

I drank a bunch of whiskey last night. whiskey gets you drunk quick. you really feel like you're accomplishing something. its not like with drinking beer where you can do it all night, polish off that 15th one and then still drive home. after 8 shots of whiskey, you can barely get the key in the door, let alone figure out how to steer. thats what i have kc for. she steers while i work the pedals. its a great system. plus, if you get pulled over, you can just tell the cop that neither of you was technically driving because all I was doing was pushing the pedals and all she was doing was turning the wheel.

if you believed anything of that last paragraph besides the first 2 sentances, you're a shmuck.

and if you read this far, that's amazing.