Friday, September 10, 2004

THERE IS NO REALITY!!! THIS IS EVERYTHING!!!
So I'm getting really sick of this blog. This happens from time to time. I get really bummed out on this thing, I start contemplating taking it down and just putting up my design portfolio (that I NEVER update), then I never do anything and stuff just remains the same.

Oh well.

Today I was jerked from my current languid blog habits by a handful of priceless internet riches.

1) The NES belt Buckle.
This is amazing and ridiculously overpriced. I wont buy one, but I'll consider making myself one ... Right after I silkscreen all those shirts I keep telling people I'm going to make.

Incase you haven't noticed, I'm full of shit.

2) Crazies who are running for president.
Lots of times I wonder if people think the stuff I say about politics is absolutely nuts. Most of the time I think people are either missing the sarcasm or not fully understanding that I just like reading about interesting, contrarian or just plain different ideas ... That, and I fucking LOATHE Republicans. Sorry, you people are super short sighted and fucking nuts. It's mostly just jingoism and greed, but in my book, those are the 2 worst qualities any human can possess.

But I digress ...

Anyway, I found a page yesterday that has profiles for EVERY candidate running for president. After reading through these I've realized I am a far sight from crazy. These things are AMAZING. Here are a few:

PERSONAL CHOICE PARTY:.
Yep, an ugly boxing promoter running for president and the oldest porn star still making movies running for vice president. I love America.

CONCERNS OF PEOPLE (PROHIBITION) PARTY:

They argued that Dodge ran the party like a personal fiefdom and seemed to be using the party to promote his personal business activities (i.e., selling campaign buttons).

SOCIALIST WORKERS PARTY:

Since they weren't going to be elected anyways, the Socialist Workers Party didn't care that they nominated a ticket entirely ineligible to be elected. Why? Because Róger Calero is both foreign born and also not a US citizen; and Arrin Hawkins -- claiming to be only 24 years old in 2004 -- is far too young to meet the minimum legal age requirements of the office.

These are just some of the ones on the ballot. The write ins are even more hilarious ... You have to click the links and read the whole captions. Totally hilarious.

Bob Dorn (Washington)

All we know about Dorn came from an email he sent Politics1 in April 2003: "Please include my name on your list of Presidential candidates for the 2004 election ... I am an Independant from Washington ... I am a musician band leader by trade ... My band's name is Melchi. I am a Christian by faith, led by the Holy Spirit, and founded upon the New King James Bible. I attend Alderwood Manor Community Church in Lynnwood."

Jack Grimes (United Fascist Union-Pennsylvania)

As for his use of the word "Fascist," Grimes explains he wants to restore a New World Order based upon the governmental style of Imperial Rome "to institute a military dictatorship form of government over the Earth."

Muadin (E-Democratic Party-Massachusetts)

Muadin -- yup, he just uses one name -- is an announced write-in candidate for President. His slogan is a New Age-sounding mantra of "One People, One Planet, One Awareness." Muadin writes he is the candidate of the "E-Democratic Party" -- an unknown entity which he apparently created.

Lawrence Rey Topham (I-Utah)

In a 1998 incident, he entered the closed Utah Capitol building near midnight by falsely telling a guard that he worked there. When police officers later found him in the rest room, Topham claimed to be the Secretary of State and declared he was there to seize the Capitol. He was arrested by use of pepper spray.

Da Vid (Light Party-California)

When you join the Light Party (cost: a $33 donation), Vid will send you a CD of New Age music and a music video" designed to inspire, delight, heal & enlighten" ... but, wait, there's more. If you join now, he'll throw in a "Wholistic Health Maintenance and Rejuvenation Manual" and other groovy stuff
... operators are waiting for your call.

Tom Wells (Family Values Party-Florida)

Now Wells is running for President again in 2004 for the same reason that he founded the ultra-conservative, theocratic party: because -- explains Wells on his site -- God directly spoke to him in his bedroom on December 25, 1994 at 2:00 a.m. and commanded him to do so.

That's enough for now. There's a lot more. Look for yourself. Now I'll go back to the serious Integrity kick I've been on for the last 20 hours or so. Humanity is the Devil.